My daughter, Lacey, wrote this below. So beautiful I thought I would share. ❤️❤️❤️
Is it worth it? . I wake up in a panic, remembering. Remembering the pain, the shock, like it is happening all over again. It greets me each day the same. The anxiety, the deep pain in my chest. It’s hard to breathe under the weight of it all. The memories dance in my head. The regrets taunt me- my own failures screaming at me the loudest. The tears follow. How is this my life? I try to remind myself what is good in my life now. I have people who love me. I have a roof over my head. I have a family that never gives up on me. But most importantly, The Lord is with me. I know Him now. He’s transformed my heart in ways I never dreamed or imagined for myself. I ask Him for help, knowing I’ll never get out of this bed without it. . So, I get out of bed. Determined to face another day with hope and bravery. I play worship music as I get ready and I remind myself of what really matters. The truth. The Good News. I use it as my weapon to penetrate the dark cloud that forms as soon as I awaken. I sing the words even if I can’t remember why I believe them. I sing until I remember. . I ask myself every day- is it worth it to stay faithful in suffering? Is Jesus worth it? Wouldn’t it be easier to numb the pain? Find worldly things to mask it? To feel better? And every night as I fall asleep after a long day, I know with all my heart that He’s worth it. The truth of this aches deep into my bones. The intimacy, peace and LIFE found in Him is everything I need. It is better than the life I dreamed for myself that is now a pile of ashes. He promises to use this for good. I trust His promises and I trust that healing is coming. In some ways it is already here. . I whisper it to Him as I fall asleep. Jesus, You’re worth it. And I know one day, I’ll get to sing it to you forevermore. When there is no more need to use my song as my weapon, no more need to use it to fight against the pain. I’ll just get to sing. ... See MoreSee Less
ANYONE who serves God will discover sooner or later that the great hindrance he has in the Lord’s work is not others, but himself. He will discover that his outward man (soul) is not in harmony with his inward man (spirit). Both tend to go toward two opposite directions from each other. He will also sense the inability of his outward man to submit to the inner control of his regenerated spirit, received through the new birth. Thus, he is rendered incapable of obeying God’s highest commands. He will quickly detect that his greatest difficulty lies in his outward man, which hinders him from using his spirit.
Many of God’s servants are not able to do even the most elementary work. Ordinarily, they should be enabled by the exercise of their spirit to know God’s Word, to discern the spiritual condition of another, to send forth God’s messages under the anointing, and to receive God’s illumination. Yet due to the distractions of the outward man, their spirit does not seem to function properly. It is basically because their outward man has never been dealt with. For this reason, excitement in revivals, pleading prayers, and zealous activities are but a waste of time. As we shall see, only one kind of basic dealing can enable man to be useful before God—brokenness.
The Inward Man and the Outward Man
Notice how the Bible separates man into two parts: “For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man” (Rom. 7:22). Our inward man delights in the Law of God. “To be strengthened with power by his Spirit in the inner man” (Eph. 3:16). And Paul also tells us, “But if indeed our outward man is consumed, yet the inward man is renewed day by day” (2 Cor. 4:16). ... See MoreSee Less